Dum-Dum-Deedum…

It's a thief in the night to come and grab you
It can creep up inside you and consume you
A disease of the mind it can control you
I feel like a monster, oh….

Vincilagnia, or more commonly: Bondage. That’s what you were thinking right? Being tied up, having Chris Brown beat the crap out of you… oh yeah! (maybe this is a bad example… domestic abuse is never funny… and it’s NEVER isolated)

But BDSM is weird right? It sends shivers down your spine to think of physical abuse and Sexual Intercourse. We’re gonna go ahead and mention that on page 68 of the Mountain Sexvival Guide there is a section that details how Bondage is not about abuse, it’s about dominance. Dominance is significantly less weird than abuse. So we aren’t about to advocate you tying up Steve and whipping him… we’re about to advocate tying up Steve and whipping him if both you and he are interested in having that experience and are willing to let that shared experience bring you emotionally and intellectually closer as a couple, run-on sentence. One of the writers would take this moment to note that monogamous couples are not the only people who engage in Sexual acts. That writer clearly hates Jesus.

Bondage is a practice that became more mainstream in the 1960’s. We assume it existed before then. Over the years we’ve learned from… other people’s mistakes…we swear… If you are interested in Bondage there are some things we want to warn you about:

1.) If this is a random “Hook-up” they could be trying to rob you. Seriously, if a woman offers to take you back to a hotel room and tie you to a bedpost, you might be there a while.
2.) If it’s something that your partner is into and they want you to be into it then you need to have conversations about how far you’re willing to go. Decide on a safety word and make sure that partner is willing to respect your boundaries. If he wants to slap your Breasts relatively hard and you just want to have your hands loosely tied while he tongues at your Lady Parts… you two are in for an awkward-mostly-Sexless-night. (As a safety word we recommend: Hornswaggle. Seriously, the likelihood that “Hornswaggle” is the thing they scream out of intense pleasure; very slim.)
3.) Establish whether or not this is a regular thing. Maybe you (or your partner) does not want to have Sex with handcuffs often. Maybe you don’t even want “sometimes.” We’ve found that many couples experiment with Sexual Acts and then decide that experiment went poorly. One of our writers tried “Titty Fucking” with his less-than-A-Cup girlfriend… we didn’t try that more than once… but she did have to purchase some moisturizing skin cream…
4.) Peruse the inventory before you make any purchases from this shop. You don’t want to be blindfolded when you discover she’s into sharp objects.
5.) If you try this at home and find it’s awesome; go ask an expert. Sex shops will be able to learn you some things about this activity and match you with items that suit your comfort.
6.) Finally, don’t do anything you don’t want to do! IF YOU DON’T WANT TO TRY BONDAGE… DON’T LET S/HE TALK YOU INTO IT!


Basically you need to communicate. If you want Bondage and your partner does not, then you need to talk about that shit! Maybe your partner is willing to compromise. Maybe you need to have that need fulfilled somewhere else. If your partner is open there are people and places that will barter with you; you give them money and they tie you down and whip you while you think about them naked. Maybe your girlfriend/boyfriend would rather you pay for it than have it be them. Not really the thing we want to advocate, but definitely an option for informed adults making informed decisions about their Sexualities.

Tip #11
While food play may seem like a good idea, be very careful when food is near the Vagina. Changes in the pH of the Vagina can lead to things living in there, and those roses really smell like poo-poo-poo.