V-Day

This past Saturday was Valentine's Day. For many, it was a time for romance, being with a significant other. To at least one MSG writer, it means having sex for the first time in a while. For some, it means writing and receiving Valentine's cards. Which reminds me of what I'm going to write about today: V-Cards.

I lost mine when I was 17. I didn't actually lose it, that would imply passivity. I'm pretty sure I actively tried to give it up. Many people lose theirs, according to legend, the night of Prom. According to a recent study, the average age of first sexual intercourse is 16.9 for men and 17.4 for women. I talk of high school students, but this doesn't deny that Sewanee has its fair share of virgins.

WARNING: History Sidenote Ahead

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The connotation that surrounds people who are identified as virgins, like everything, is couched in history. Virginity has been equated with chastity, immaculateness. Women were saved by their families until marriage as a gift to the husband. This in itself is a vestige of the commodification of women. Whether this had a practical role (quelling the spread of STIs, for instance) is debatable, but we do know is that this concept has become gendered. Men were not party to this system of forced abstinence. They could and frequently did sleep around. Because of this: male chastity is rarely applauded (See: Jonas Brothers), and female chastity is encouraged, revered. There is much more, but I wouldn't want to bog you down.

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END: History Sidenote


This gendered concept breeds some problems. At Sewanee, this means that women deal with the virgin/whore complex.

I want to save myself for marriage. I'm sure my husband would love me more if I gave myself to him on our wedding night. But. Everyone else is having sex. I should have sex, maybe it would make people like me more. Maybe then I could find a mate. Maybe I should just get really drunk and let it happen

Now this obviously simplifies it (not to mention distilling Sewanee women to amorphous straight husband seekers). But the struggle — active or passive — exists.

Men have a similar struggle.

I want to save myself for marriage. It's the moral thing to do. But everyone says that I should have sex. It's kind of a passive thing, but I feel pressured to go through with it. Maybe I should just get really drunk and let it happen.

So, how do the illustrious writers at MSG suggest you bridge this gap?
By waiting until you are ready. It is up to you to identify when this is. Don't listen to anyone else. If they're pressuring you, they have no real motives. Weigh the pros and cons. Yes, sex is fun. Are you missing out on something? Or are you protecting yourself? Would your morality be compromised by having sex? My personal answers to these questions are: Yes, Yes, and No. But yours may well be different.

If you do decide that an active sexual lifestyle is right for you, there are a few guidelines you should follow for your first experience:

1) Know yourself. Masturbation is a useful tool in knowing about what helps you get off (more to come on that subject later).
2) Don't be drunk. A few drinks, maybe, but page 15 of the Mountain Sexvival Guide clearly outlines the perils of drunken sex (inability to perform, bad judgment in partners/sex acts, dulled feelings, wicked hangovers).
3) Find a partner who cares — not someone you just met. Maybe this person, too, is a virgin; you can learn together. Maybe this person is more experienced; the better to make your experience comfortable and pleasurable. It's hard to let down your guard around someone you don't trust. It is important to be vulnerable during sex, so trust is key.
4) Share assumptions with your partner. Let them know that you've never done it before. Make sure they understand what you both want out of this situation: a one-time deal, something repeated, a relationship?
5) Wear protection. Condoms and dental dams are the most reliable protection against STIs, outside of abstinence. The Pill is not 100% effective and babies may not be in your immediate plan. Be Safe.
6) Don't expect the Holy Grail the first time around. There is a cult built around sex. Don't set your expectations too high. First times are often uncomfortable or just weird.
7) Communicate. You can mitigate number six pretty well by talking to your partner. Tell them when they're doing something wrong, tell them what's right. Ask them to do the same for you.
8) Experiment a little. You won't know until you try. Take baby steps.
9) Try again. And again. And again. Not every time will be great, but sex can always be better. You won't regret it.

Or never have sex. Maybe you think penises and vaginae, like the plural of the word "vagina", are weird. Maybe you're a hypochondriac and STIs scare you.

Or, you can wait. Sex within a committed monogamous relationship is the safest way to prevent getting an STI while remaining sexually active. The above rules would also be useful within these contexts.

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Tip #3: Who the hell came up with "significant other." That is the most insignificant designation. Never call someone significant. It's the relationship equivalent of "interesting." If anything, they are your "other."

Polyamory and Other Knowledge Your Brain Needs!

The following Sex advice is additionally applicable in non-sexual or non-romantic relationships.

Page 1 of the Mountain Sexvival Guide begins with the words "Never trust a woman." These are followed immediately by the words "Never trust a man." Page 2 is mostly an explanation of how Page 1 is predicated on the false notion that there are only two genders. We’re saving that topic for a special occasion. We’ll stick to page 1.

The reason the Guide begins by admonishing the trustworthiness of Women and Men is that assumptions about your partner are always wrong. It is not just that Men and Women have different perspectives on Sex… it’s that every person on the face of the planet feels differently about Sex and sexuality. You cannot trust the person you are sleeping with to feel what you feel. You can trust that you don’t understand their objective or aspirations. This brings us to Salt-N-Pepa. Let’s talk about Sex baby.

Some people think Sex is just for fun. Some people think Sex is a way of marking territory. Some people think Sex is a way to have power or control. Some people believe Sex is the ultimate expression of Love. One of our writers thinks Sex is the only fuel for creativity, and thus a necessary component of making Art. The Guide strongly recommends people know why they have, or want to have, sexual relationships. Once you know, you can talk about it. Sewanee will be a friendlier place if you can talk about Sex.

Many of the people on this Mountain engage in Polyamory. That’s when you have multiple “open relationships” at once. They don’t all call it that, but it’s the name for Susan repeatedly hooking up with Tom over a couple weekends while having Sex regularly with Dave. It’s none of our business what Susan does, but chances are she hasn’t told Dave or Tom.

Even if Susan said “Dave, I’m not ready to be in a relationship, I’d like this to be commitment free.” Dave hears “Susan wants some space to do her own thing.” Susan meant “I want some space to do you and Tom without any guilt.”
Don’t settle for vague. If you are going to have sex with someone… ask them what it means to them. Ask them what your relationship means. Ask often. Don’t be afraid to ruin the moment. If you need to un-ruin the moment after these questions suck on their index finger. Shwabam! New moment. Be prepared for their answers to differ from your own. Lastly, have your own answers to those questions. Your brain needs all that knowledge to make the healthiest decisions about Sex.

Signing Out.

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Tip #2
It’s not gay to have sex with another boy (girl). It’s gay to want to have sex with another boy (girl). You’ll be who you are regardless of what (who) you do.

Theme Parties: I Wear My Sunglasses At Night

There is nothing to do on this mountain. Is it Wednesday night? Let's go to a fraternity house and drink. Thursday Night? Frat House and Drink. Friday? Frat Drunk! The only variety is when some Greek organization decides that their party will have a theme. Now you can dress up funny to do what you would have been doing anyway.

The heteronormative response of our rival blog is that "Pimps and Hos," as well as it's compatriot parties, expects women to dress like hussies while men basically wear class dress. But there's no reason that a woman can't go to that party like a Pimp. The Mountain Sexvival Guide clearly states on page 42 "Women who expect to be treated like objects will be treated like objects." If you are uncomfortable being nearly naked and definitely drunk, make a decision to dress differently, drink less, or party elsewhere. When you miss [insert name of friend] doing something really embarrassing or stupid, we promise he or she will do it again next week. Drunk lightning strikes the same place twice.

Speaking of drunk... Our staff at the Mountain Sexvival Guide are all on the same page: Sex is better sober. Having a drink or two can make things more interesting, can make things feel better, can make you more comfortable... but after a drink or two you can still drive. Right around the time your friends are taking your keys, they should probably lock up the chastity belt. You dudettes will have difficulty concentrating and it'll be less fun. You dudes will perform poorly and it'll be less fun. If you like having Sex, you should know the secret: It's supposed to be fun. If it's not fun... he/she won't be repeat customers.


Signing Out.

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Tip #1 (Tips written in no particular order)
Protego! that wand before you explore her Chamber of Secrets.