Mission Statement

Follow me and everything is alright, I'll be the one to tuck you in at night, and if you want to leave... you'll miss out on all our secrets!

Here at the Mountain Sexvival Guide we believe only TWO things:

1.) The more you know about Sex the easier it will be to talk about it, receive it, and find return customers!

2.) The more you know about Sexual Health the easier it will be to stay safe, stay unpregnant, and protect yourself from unwanted bumper buddies.

We promise irreverence, humour, factual information, personal anecdote, and plenty of pop culture references so you know our staff is hip and cool.  We've got the cool shoe shine.

If you have a question or issue that you would like addressed—which you do—then ask! Maybe you want to learn a new sex position, maybe you wonder what that pus-filled bump is, maybe you just don't know where to meet girls... Feel free to send us an email at MountainSexGuide@gmail.com! We AREN'T hiding who we are, but we'll keep your stats confidential.

Ecce Quam Boner. Behold how good and joyful it is to make sweet (safe) love.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Don't Stop Believing.

Several studies suggest that people in relationships can lose their flare for Sexual encounters with each other after 12-18 months. Let's take a minute to Journey... to the magical land where people can have happy and healthy Sexual appetites for their partner of greater than a year and a half!

There's the monotony of being with the same person. There's the boredom of going through the same routine. There's the incredible energy and inclination suck that is adult responsibility. There's the smell of wine and cheap perfume. You're looking for something new, something exciting, a train going to anywhere!

Umm... why not get new/exciting/on a train.... with your lover? Why look elsewhere when you've already established a close relationship? If sex is the only thing that's fizzled out in your love life... fix it! Don't give up on him/her because you used to have more sex! Here are some ways to spice up your ALREADY meaningful Sexual Partner:

1.)Toys! It doesn't have to be a $120 wevibe (http://www.sensualseductions.ca/store/sex-toys-for-couples/Fun-Sex-Play/The-WE-VIBE/) but if you have something you enjoy on your own... why not enjoy it in tandem with your horizontal tango partner?!
2.)Change of location! You know what's less boring than Missionary? Missionary on the roof of jungle-gym at the park where you walked on your first date! Don't scare any little kiddies and blame it on us, but reliving your first date AND outdoor could be caught are both AWESOME for your Funparts.
3.)New positions. New positions. New positions. Yeah, it's all Sex... but you've probably done little more than “Man on top” “Woman on top” and “Doggie Style.” The man is likely to have a similar experience physiologically any time his Penis is in a Vagina, but a woman is able to feel very different things with new angles and depths of Penetration. TRY IT. DO WORK SON.
4.)Talk about changing Contraception methods. The only way to ensure you prevent unwanted pregnancy and the spread of Sexually Transmitted Infections of ANY KIND is Abstinence followed by lifelong Monogamy for BOTH partners. However, in relationships where both partners have been given a clean bill of health you can decide together to choose Birth Control pills or shots in lieu of Condoms. Moreover if you are only using Birth Control pills but it diminishes Female Sexual desire (which happens more frequently than you'd believe) maybe the Male is comfortable using Condoms and foregoing the hormone imbalance inducing Pill.
5.)Get preggers. Having a baby will NEVER solve any emotional, intellectual, or social problems as they relate to Relationships. Having a baby CAN make it easier for some women to reach Orgasm thereafter. It's not a reason to have a child. It IS a reason for a woman considering having a child to feel better about her Sexual future. Feeling better almost always leads to feeling better if you know what I mean?! (I mean Sex... I mean feeling better emotionally will lead to having better Sexual experiences... no room for the subtle....)
6.)Talk Dirty to me girl. I mean... talk dirty. In general... Not to me. I meant in general. If you're comfortable with the way your pillow talk sounds... leave it alone. If there's EVER anything you wish you could say, or wish you could hear... Try it baby! More graphic phrases or words should be discussed before coitus. Your partner has to be comfortable with your new mouth, but I'm willing to bet s/he will be!
7.)Put your clothes back on. Seriously. I'm not saying “Give up.” I'm saying “PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON?!” All it takes to have Heterosexual Monogamous Sexual Intercourse is access to both pieces-parts. You can both be nearly fully dressed. Only one of you could be dressed. You could leave just her bra. You could be in a crowded hotel elevator with a slightly lifted skirt and an unzipped pair of slacks. If you've grown somewhat tired of the seeing the same person naked every time you have sex... see them not naked... and make such passionate love to them that the scream your name.
8.)Scream their name. Umm... just try it. I promise you'll be thanking me. Your roommate will be uncomfortable: umm, worth it.

If you're in a happy relationship but the Sex is slipping... you're in a happy relationship. That's actually really normal, ordinary, and expected. It'll pass. There'll be times you really wanna pork. There'll be times you don't want to at all. That's life. Don't give up on something awesome because you didn't feel like doing it tonight. If you're really making Love... nothing else really matters.

Sex Tip #17
If you don't like something... stop. Sex? Masturbating? Making out? Yeah, those things are supposed to be fun. If they aren't... do something else.

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